Co-Parenting Series Pt. 1 - Peace Over Chaos

The Lost Conversation:

Peace Over Chaos Series pt.1

It’s been a long time, but I’m back — and this time we’re keeping it real about co-parenting. Honestly, it depends on the age of your kids and the maturity of the parents involved, but let’s be real: co-parenting these days can be brutal. It’s not that I don’t believe in God or doubt His ability to redeem and restore. I know He’s bigger than anything I’m about to write about.

What I want to talk about today, though, is the reality of all the ups and downs in co-parenting — especially when you’re dealing with parents who are still bleeding from trauma. Sometimes, that trauma comes from what you did to them. Other times, it was already there before you, and the relationship only added to it. I’ll be honest: this is personal to me. I recently got married, and when I started dating my husband, he told me there might be a baby on the way. Now did I think I’d be sitting here today writing on this topic because now we are dealing with full on foolery with a beautiful little boy caught in confusion… (*insert – What the hell, what the hellianna…) No, I did not. But here we are navigating the unnecessary to get to the main thing… The baby. Out of respect for the level of pain and hurt still fresh I won’t go into every detail.  To add to that, dealing with the unexpected drama that unfolded from my children’s father has been full of growth and kept a sista on her knees.  Triggers triggering triggers…. And it has made me a believer of “Hurting people, Hurt People”. I’m usually very private about my life but I just believe this topic needs to talked about and although the enemy fought me hard on this post by trying to inject fear in telling my truth I’m just going to be obedient.  I do think sharing our experience even as God is working to redeem it for the good of all parties is necessary for the point of the topic, transparency heals.

Here’s what I think we should all keep in mind: in any situation, there are three sides to the story — your side, their side, and the truth. For those outside the situation, for the sake of the children, the best thing you can do is stay out of the mix. Mind your business, pray, and ask the Holy Spirit to bring revelation to everyone involved.

Because here’s the truth: co-parenting should never be about how adults feel. Feelings are the result of heartbreak and grief from a lost relationship.

• “Co-parenting requires everyone to stay focused on the situation at hand. The question is: are we parenting through the lens of healing or through hurt?”
• “Will we trust God with the conflict, or let pride run the show?”
• “Can we put our emotions aside for the sake of the child?”

Avoiding Chaos in Co-Parenting

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that chaos feeds on reaction. The enemy loves to use confusion, miscommunication, and emotional triggers to keep co-parents stuck in a cycle that drains everyone—especially the kids. But God calls us to peace. And peace is not passive; it’s active.

I wish I could say I’ve always gotten this right, but I haven’t. There were moments I reacted out of anger instead of wisdom, times I said things that only made the fire bigger, and times I allowed hurt to cloud my judgment. Yet even in those failures, God has been teaching me that peace is still possible. Here’s what I’ve learned—and where I’ve stumbled—when it comes to guarding peace in co-parenting:

1. Respond, Don’t React.

Failure: I’ve hit “send” on texts I should have deleted, clapping back when I felt attacked. Those words didn’t solve anything; they only fueled more chaos.

Growth: I’m learning to pause, pray, and wait before answering. A delayed, Spirit-led response is almost always better than a quick emotional one.

2. Keep Conversations Child-Centered.

Failure: I’ve let conversations slide into old arguments—replaying past mistakes, dragging personal feelings into discussions that should have been about the kids.

Growth: I had to learn to say, “We’re not talking about that right now. What does the child need?” That one shift helps reset the conversation on what actually matters.

3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them.

Failure: Out of fear of being seen as “difficult,” I sometimes allowed lines to be crossed discussions that went too far, accusations that went unchecked. It always left me drained and resentful.

Growth: I’ve learned boundaries aren’t about control, they’re about peace. Saying, “This topic is off-limits” or “Let’s stick to child-related matters” may not make everyone happy, but it keeps my heart guarded.

4. Don’t Bring Old Wounds into New Seasons.

Failure: When new conflicts reminded me of past betrayals, I carried that pain into the present. Instead of dealing with what was in front of me, I reacted as if I was fighting every past battle at once.

Growth: I had to admit I wasn’t healed and let God deal with those deeper wounds. Now, when conflict comes, I remind myself: This is a new situation. Don’t let old scars write the script.

Two Lessons I’ve Learned

Lesson 1: Pain Can’t Be the Teacher Forever

For a long time, I let hurt shape my responses. Every word, every decision, every action came through the filter of my pain. That only kept me stuck in cycles of defensiveness and distrust. I’ve learned pain might teach you something in the moment, but it can’t be your permanent teacher. Peace and wisdom have to take over, or you’ll keep repeating the same patterns.

Lesson 2: Chaos Is a Choice You Don’t Have to Make

There were times I matched energy with energy—when disrespect came, I sent it right back. But all it did was create more confusion and hurt. I’ve learned that even if the other parent thrives on control, manipulation, or drama, I don’t have to participate. Chaos will always knock, but I don’t have to open the door. Choosing peace doesn’t mean ignoring the issues; it means handling them in a way that honors God and protects my kids.

Co-parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about learning, adjusting, and letting God redeem even your mistakes. I’ve failed, I’ve reacted wrong, and I’ve been bitter. But I’ve also seen God turn those failures into lessons that keep me grounded today. At the end of the day, co-parenting is not about proving who’s right, it’s about raising whole kids in a broken world. And when we let God be in the middle, He has a way of making even the messiest stories reflect His grace.

The real challenge isn’t just surviving co-parenting—it’s choosing peace over chaos daily, even when you’ve failed before. Because His mercy is new every morning, and so is the chance to try again.

Scriptures to Meditate on:

• Respond, Don’t React
• “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”– James 1:19–20
• Keep Conversations Child-Centered
• “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”– Ephesians 6:4
• Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
• “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”– Proverbs 4:23
• Don’t Bring Old Wounds into New Seasons
• “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”– Isaiah 43:18–19
• When You’ve Failed
• “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”– Lamentations 3:22–23
• Choosing Peace Over Chaos
• “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”– Romans 12:18
• Trusting God in the Conflict
• “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”– Exodus 14:14