Grieving The Friendships I Lost When My Life Shifted ❤️‍🩹

💔 Grieving the Friendships I Lost When My Life Shifted

One of the most unspoken parts of growth is grief.

And grief is almost always related to change...

Not just the grief of what happened — but the grief of what didn’t.

The grief of the future you imagined with people who were never meant to stay.

The grief of realizing some relationships were built on seasons, not lifetime assignments.

When my life started shifting — when I got engaged, found peace, found clarity, found confidence — I genuinely believed the people closest to me would shift with me.

But elevation (transition) has its own spotlight. 

And sometimes the light doesn’t just reveal your path… it reveals hearts.

This is the part of becoming that nobody warns you about.

I Lost People I Never Expected to Lose

Not because I changed for the worse,

but because God was changing me for the better.

And the new version of me began to clash with places where I had once silenced, softened, or shrunk myself.

These stories aren’t to expose anyone — they simply show the patterns of how God prunes what can’t go with you.

A Friendship That Shifted When Money Tested the Heart

There was someone I trusted deeply — a person I poured into, supported, and stood beside.

But when money entered the picture, something shifted in the spiritual atmosphere.

The tone changed.

The posture changed.

The grace in the friendship disappeared.

And I realized:

it wasn’t about money at all — it was about value.

She mistreated me in a moment when I expected partnership.

And when someone shows you who they truly are when resources are involved, believe it.

That moment revealed more truth than years of friendship ever had.

As I sat with it, I realized this wasn’t our first issue — her behavior had always been the same.

I had simply never been on the receiving end of it before.

What made it more painful was the spiritual contradiction.

This was someone who joined prayer calls every morning at 5 AM, praying passionately in her heavenly language.

I kept thinking, Surely one of these mornings the Holy Spirit is going to tap her heart, convict her, and she’ll reach out.

But that moment never came.

Instead, I watched her take the money I lent — money I needed for my daughter’s tuition — and use it to attend a vacation and a conference.

No apology.

No accountability.

Just a quiet block on social media so she could post her photos guilt-free.

No love.

No empathy.

Nothing.

And honestly, it made me question God — not His goodness, but why He would allow the betrayal to cut that deep.

Later I realized:

some betrayals break you just enough to rebuild you differently.

A Family Connection That Couldn’t Survive My Life changes

There was also a close relative — someone I grew up with, someone who felt like a sibling.

A person I loved without limits.

But elevation doesn’t just expose strangers — it exposes familiar spirits too.

Suddenly, things were being said about me that didn’t match reality.

Conversations were happening behind my back.

And instead of accountability or honesty, I was met with distance… cold, empty distance.

Even when I responded with love.

Even when I tried to keep the relationship steady.

Even when I held space for grace.

The truth was this:

I was no longer compatible with the version of me they preferred.

Once I stopped playing the role they were comfortable with, they quietly wrote me out of their world.

And that is a grief all its own.

A 20-Year Friendship That Ended in a Single Moment of Judgment

This one… I felt in my chest.

Over two decades of friendship — memories, seasons, children, faith, struggle, joy — all of it vanished faster than I could process.

Spiritual mismatches don’t always begin loudly.

They often begin as a whisper.

I noticed small shifts first:

• When I began learning God for myself, the conversations shifted.

• When I no longer needed someone else’s convictions to make my decisions, it became a problem.

• When I stopped allowing guilt to dictate my choices, control disguised as “concern” started appearing.

• And the moment my actions didn’t align with what she wanted me to do… suddenly my character was the issue.

Every disagreement became a debate.

Every perspective became an argument.

Every time I stood firm in my own growth, the friendship cracked a little more.

Then came the breaking moment —

a situation that wasn’t hers to judge… and yet she made herself judge and jury.

I was insulted, pushed emotionally, dismissed, and then blocked on social media — without warning, without conversation.

And the woman I thought was guided by the Holy Spirit didn’t pause for even a moment.

Even after I apologized… there was silence.

No phone call.

No prayer.

No attempt at reconciliation.

Just a door that closed without explanation.

I grieved that loss deeply — not because I wanted the friendship back,

but because I finally saw the truth:

Some people love you until you start loving yourself.

How I Grew From These Losses

Each relationship taught me something valuable about who I am becoming.

And they reminded me that sometimes you have to hold a funeral for situations — and even people — to reclaim your peace.

I Found My Courage

I stopped shrinking.

I stopped silencing myself.

I stopped asking permission to exist in the fullness of who God called me to be.

I Found My Voice

I learned to say what hurt.

I learned to speak up when something crossed the line.

I learned that boundaries are not harsh — they are holy.

I Found My Strength

Peace is a fruit of the Spirit, and also a decision.

And sometimes peace requires distance.

I Found My Discernment

God allowed these endings to reveal the difference between:

• support and supervision

• accountability and control

• genuine love and circumstantial loyalty

I Found My Calling

The more I let go of people I was trying to keep,

the more God made room for the purpose He was calling me into.

My courage returned.

My confidence returned.

My clarity returned.

What I lost in people… I found in obedience.

Adult Friendships: What They Should Feel Like

Adult friendships are complex at times — but they should never be confusing, belittling, or unsafe.

Healthy friendships should allow you to:

• feel safe to agree and disagree

• feel safe to share hard truths

• feel safe to grow at different paces

• feel safe on your bad days

• feel safe to own your feelings without judgment

And the moment you don’t feel that…

I pray this blog gives you the courage to have a funeral, grieve what you hoped for, and move on.

If you need a resource, a powerful book that helped me is:

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst.

Read it. It will change the way you navigate relationships.

The Grief Was Real — But So Was God’s Plan

I didn’t just grieve the people.

I grieved:

• the versions of myself that needed their approval

• the comfort of familiar conversations

• the imagined future where we all evolved together

• the belief that loyalty guarantees longevity

But God used the losses to make me free.

Not bitter.

Not hard.

Not closed-off.

Just aligned.

Because sometimes God removes people you would never release on your own.

I’m also learning that just because someone has a relationship with God and speaks in tongues every day doesn’t mean they know how to love you well. Anointing doesn’t replace accountability, and spiritual language doesn’t cover emotional immaturity.

These are revelations you have to seek out — truths the Holy Spirit has to uncover in you. And they require a willingness to surrender the old for the new… to unlearn what was familiar so you can learn what is holy.

“He removes every branch that does not bear fruit,

and every branch that continues to bear fruit He repeatedly prunes,

so that it will bear more and richer and more excellent fruit.” — John 15:2 (AMP)

The pruning isn’t punishment. I had to repent for my thoughts as well and realize...

It is preparation. It's the process that shapes you. 

The question I have for you & what I’m asking myself regularly now is…

Who are you still holding space for that God quietly closed the door on?

Where are you holding on out of habit?

And what could God restore in your life if you stopped fighting a release that was meant to protect you — what peace would you feel if you stopped forcing what isn’t there anymore?

I'm answering these questions myself and some days are harder than others but God! I'm reminded that he redeems all that I need and that includes people and what he doesn't redeem is protection.

okay ya'll that was deep for me... I pray is helps someone. 
Remember we are a journey to wholeness together 🙌🏾

until next time be blessed❤️