The truth is I don't know if I have it in me …
I don’t always know if I have it in me to show up every day for myself or for the people who need me the most.
To show up as the person that is expected at home and at work. I don’t know …
I don’t know if I can really stick to seeing a commitment through to the end no matter what life throws.
I don’t know if I have it in me to talk to that special someone long enough to allow them to grow to see what it may be.
I don’t know if I have it in me to nurture the friendships around me in a way that feels impactful?
Do I have it in me to be a present parent and have a career?
I don’t know if I have it in me to have close bonds with my extended family without letting my life get in the way.
I don’t know if I have it in me to be a wife again, However, I don’t know if I have it in me to keep showing up single either.
I don’t know if I have it in me to be a provider, mother, and a friend every single day.
Is there still more God that's in me, even after I have done all those things expected of me?
I don’t know if I have it in me to date again. I don’t have another round of rejection based on someone else's inability to receive or reciprocate love… I certainly don’t know if I have it in me NOT to date either! I love everything about love.
I don’t know if I can keep showing up in rooms just to be misunderstood, even when I know I’m only there because of you. (God)
I don’t know if I have it in me to write, it feels too hard and most certainly too vulnerable. I don’t know if I can do this.
These are the questions that often taunt me most mornings, cause listen I’m certainly not asking myself these things. These questions attempt to bombard me and strip the hope of my day away. At times literally leaving me in a chokehold.
But there is something about when God gives revelation to his truth, not our own truth, not our own thoughts but his... (Pray and ask him for revelation)
The truth that we are his chosen.
The truth that he formed us with purpose in mind.
The truth about our identity...
The truth that he is... Our real-life Saviour, our comforter, our help, the very lover of our souls (well he did make us)
See... God promises to always show up when we are weak, 2 Corinthians 12:9 – Paul speaks of this very thing… "But He said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.
Showing up every day is NOT easy, it’s not. In fact, it’s with much intentionally with my walk with Christ that I show up. You know why I don’t know if it’s in me to do any of the things I’ve shared? Because it isn’t.
The truth is Cherie never has the capacity it takes mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially to show up in MY life any day. The missing piece, the often less talked about language is ... God never asked me to, in fact he promised that he would show up in every weakness that exposes itself.
The liberation in that truth is knowing the only work I have to do is to give my weakness to him so he can show up!
How do you do that?
Many ways. Start by praying and inviting him into the situation. (Prayer absolutely works)
Even in this moment, I fearfully write and courageously share “The Lost Conversation.”
I pray this blog blesses you and that you are able to relate to the journey I’ve been on and still walking out to this day. I'm learning how to completely depend on God in every area of my life with every fiber of my being… while addressing topics that are often not discussed. Often times people are just not willing to give you the reality about failures, lessons and wins. I'm ready, I have so much to say whew...